Friday, March 21, 2014

Author says we should constrict our assholes 100 times a day and have 50% less sex. Men need well-developed gills. Women need well-developed fins.

Hiroyuki Nishigaki tells us: "I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway.

I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can [have sex] three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration. If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell."


Some reviews:

"This book is better than lithium. I was depressed for years until I came across Mr. Nishigaki and his incredible anus book. I was skeptical at first, but after only a week of the recommended anus exercises, I could feel my spirits lifting, my buns firming and my blank-shooting ability reaching new heights. It's now been three months since I began the program, and I feel as if I've finally mastered my emotions. Nope, no more crying jags at the liquor store...for me. Instead, whenever I get down or feel as though I might need to abuse myself, I simply stop, concentrate on crushing the imaginary walnut in my anus and-BLAMMO!-all depressing and/or criminal thoughts are gone in a single squeaky fart. Of course, the resultant hemorrhoidal burning and itching can suck a bit, but I just think of it as the price one has to pay for rectal sanity.

"So far I have seen its benefits in faster lane changes and negotiating discounts at Waffle House, but I'm sure there are more uses."

"when you're 40, you'll have the anus of a 20 year-old."

"Wow. This must sound crazy but this book saved my life. Before reading this book my life was a wreck and I was considering ending it. I found this book and bought it. It was my last hope and I was not disappointed. After learning various techniques on how to properly constrict my anus I started trying it out. It was amazing!! Only two weeks later I had lost 50 pounds and got a job in politics. now I'm happily married and have adopted two African children. I have invested in a new time travel technology which has been very profitable and am running for house in 2014 and 1982! I completely endorse this book and would strongly suggest you buy it and start constricting your anus today!"

This book is perfect proof that iUniverse, part of pay-to-publish behemoth Author Solutions, is willing to publish anything -- without regard for content or form.

The company says, "
One of the key features that makes an iUniverse book distinct from other self-published books is our professional evaluations for both editorial quality and marketing potential."

However, the evaluation is optional, and iUniverse is perfectly willing to accept money from ignorant or wacky wannabe authors.

CLICK to laugh more, or buy the book.


  1. Sadly, this blog post could boost sales and encourage the author to write more anus books.

  2. Not sure why I was compelled to click the link, but I am glad I did. The reviews on this book were hilarious!