Saturday, June 25, 2011

My second, third and fourth asshole

I’m normally at my computer by 3:30 a.m.

At around 7 a.m., my dog, Hunter, wanders into my home office, gives me a greeting, and lets me know that I should take him downstairs and let him out to pee.

Three weeks ago, I went back to bed at around 6 a.m. An hour later, Hunter gave me the pee-pee signal, and started walking toward the office and the back stairs, which (please take note) are carpeted.

To save a few seconds, I told him to follow me in the other direction, so we could go down the front stairs, which are not carpeted.

I was wearing socks, which provided no traction on the bare wood. I slipped, and slid on my ass, bumpety-bumpety-bump, all the way to the bottom. When I got to the bottom, I sat, trembled, and assessed the damage. Then, my sweet, smart, sarcastic Hunter brought me a pair of sneakers, as if to say, “You need traction, you fucking idiot.”

I developed a big, painful, purple-and-green hematoma (blood clot). On Thursday, a surgeon made three new holes in my ass to suck out about four ounces of blood.

Pay attention to your dog.


1 comment:

  1. Oh those dogs! Remember I ran into the kitchen almost a year ago to the day, and my dogs didn't warn me - dog pee on floor. Hello? I hit it and flew in the air, landed on my "ass" and dislocated a shoulder and tore my rotator cuff. Surgery. Six months in a sling. Now I wear shoes for traction. Hope you are feeling OK. Had a chuckle, but seems you are just more of a butt hole but quite well!!!! Hugs.