Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A nom de plume that does not make me want to read the book

It’s not unusual for a writer to use a pen name (nom de plume in French). Mark Twain is probab­ly the most famous fake. Twain’s real name was Samuel Langhorne Clem­ens, but he also used Sieur Louis de Conte.

Here's the headline from a recent crappy-as-usual Outskirts Press book announcement:

"Outskirts Press Announces Nubian Gold, the Latest Highly-Anticipated History – Other Book from Houston, TX, Author Tarchon the Etruscan."

If the author was Conan the Barbarian, Atilla the Hun or Andre the Giant, I might have read more.

If the category was more exciting than "History - Other," I might have read more.

If the publisher was not Outskirts Press, I might have read more.

If the press release was written better, I might have read more.

If the Etruscan was from ancient Italy -- not modern Texas -- I might have read more.

And finally, the full title is Nubian Gold: A Conspiracy of Jewish Proportions. I've heard enough anti-Semitic crap about alleged Jewish Conspiracies and will not buy the book.

If you're more curious or motivated than I was, here's a link for the book on

OOPS. I'm not through.

If you need another reason to ignore the book, read this egomaniacal bullshit about the author: "Tarchon the Etruscan is a student of the human condition, wielding the written craft to enrapture the mind much like an artist wields a brush. The pages are a blank canvas on which to draw from a talent heralded by many and matched only by an imagination that rises to the task. Nubian Gold is the reminiscences of a seer’s vision."

It's hard to read that without puking.

Sorry, Tarchon. Somehow, I just don't feel much of an urge to have my mind enraptured, especially by an  egomaniac who is afraid to use his or her real name.

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