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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

There's no "L" in "Christmas, etc.

Ho, Ho, Ho

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses


Why does Santa have three gardens? 
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? 
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
Frostbite.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? 
Ice Crispies.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? 
Ribbon hood.

There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red.
He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his
wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her
and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!" Without even 
looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It
must be sleeting." The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the
Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They'd been worn all week and needed the air.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa and a duck? 
A. A Christmas Quacker.

Q. What do we call Santa when he stops moving? 
A. Santa Pause!

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money? 
A. In a snow bank.

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much? 
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Did you know that according to the song, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Santa has twelve reindeer? Sure, in the introduction it goes "There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." That makes eight reindeer. Then there's Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine. Then there's Olive. You know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh..." That makes ten. The eleventh is Howe. You know, "Then Howe the reindeer loved him..." Eleven reindeer. Oh, and number 12? That's Andy! "Andy shouted out with glee." The proof is in the song!

Q: What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
A: A puddle!

Q: If Frosty the Snowman married a vampire,what would they name their child?
A: Frostbite!!

Q: What's red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A: A sad candy cane!

Q: Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A: A mince spy!

Q: What Christmas song is hidden in the alphabet:
        A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z?
A: Noel (No "L")

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weewitchu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weewitchu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weewitchu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weewitchu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang, "Weewitchu a Merry Christmas, Weewitchu  a Merry Christmas, Weewitchu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

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